A long time ago I had heard that Jessica and Cash broke up, but then they were still seen together everywhere after that, so obviously that was bull. But now, apparently, Jessica has seriously broken up with Cash.

According to Us Weekly, who is the most legit out of all of the crappy tabloid magazines, Jessica was overseas promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer when she called up Cash and told him she doesn’t love him anymore. She then called her assistant back in Los Angeles and had her pack up all of Cash’s stuff and get it ready for him to pick up. Burn!

Cash’s friend has said, “[Cash] thinks it’s for another guy but doesn’t know….he’s totally devastated. But it was all her.“

Umm, of course it was all her. Why would Cash break up with Jessica? A poor, crappy actor has to hang on to his money train as long as possible. How will he eat now? Honestly. The only reason his name is known is because he was dating her. And let’s face it, not that many people even knew what he looked like. If I passed him on the street, I wouldn’t know it was him. He’s probably going to make a shirt that says, “Yes, it’s me, Cash Warren. The guy who dated Jessica Alba for 2 1/2 years.”

I sort of predict Jessica Alba is the next Shannon Elizabeth. She’s had her time in the spotlight, but I feel like pretty soon we’ll see her at the World Series of Poker sponsoring Popov vokda or Western Union.