InTouch Weekly has put together a lame list of the 10 Most Shocking Hollywood Secrets and none of them are shocking and only half of them should be considered “secrets” but whatever. The only one that jumped out at me was the blurb about Charlize Theron and even then it was more sad than shocking.

On June 21, 1991, Charlize Theron’s dad returned to their South African home after a long night of drinking. “My dad had a disease,” Charlize, 32, says. “He was an alcoholic.” Charlize says her dad never physically harmed her, but admits “he was a verbal abuser.” So when he fired a shotgun into the then 15-year-old’s bedroom, her mom, Gerda, shot and killed her husband. The court ruled it self-defense. “If my daughter was in the same situation, I’d do the same thing,” admits Charlize.

That’s some pretty heavy stuff. If you’re interested in the rest of the secrets, here they are: Reese Witherspoon’s brother was arrested for sexual battery, Gavin Rossdale has a secret love child with an ex,  Michelle Williams’ dad faces tax evasion charges, Woody Harrelson’s dad is a convicted hit man, Sara Evans claimed her husband had kinky sex fetishes, Tobey Maguire’s dad was a bank robber (and he used to be on Walker, Texas Ranger), Orlando Bloom didn’t know his real father, Halle Berry had an abusive daddy, and Nicole Richie’s real daddy was in Lionel Richie’s band. Interesting crap, huh? I didn’t think so.