Before any of The Hills fanatics go crazy, let me just say this is an old picture from when Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler were still together. Okay, now onto the story. The story goes like this: Lauren Conrad dated Jason Wahler but then he treated her like shit and had problems so they broke up. (Did I mention he cheated on her? Because he did.) So Lauren and Heidi were best buddies until Heidi started dating Spencer, a guy that reminded Lauren of Jason. Spencer was shady and cheated on Heidi, so Lauren hated him. (If you’ve ever seen the show then you know that she is right to hate him. He’s a complete douche bag idiot.) Because Lauren hated Spencer, he, in-turn, hated her too. This came between Heidi and Lauren, Spencer eventually convinced Lauren she’s a bitch then Heidi and Spencer made a rumor that Lauren and Jason made a sex-tape together. (One more thing, making a lie about a sex tape is stupid because ALL sex tapes end up on the internet.. if you’re lying, we’ll know because we won’t see it.) Anyway, now that Jason is cleaned up, sober, and a new man, he’s commenting on what big of scum bags these two people are.. Who else to talk to other than radio talk show host Ryan Seacrest? I know!

“The most frustrating part is that they are such lowlifes that they have to come up with stuff to try and ruin other people,” says Wahler. “It’s just frustrating.”

I say they fight. I mean, fighting isn’t cool or anything but I wonder who would win? Spencer is such a nancy, and as much as I want to start liking Jason (I don’t really think he’s changed), I think he’s sort of a nancy, too. I bet they would start slapping each other and yelling “you bitch!” back and forth. It would be sort of entertaining. Or what if Lauren and Heidi fought? (I missed Jerry Springer yesterday, in case you didn’t notice.)

Something fishy is really going on here! This morning Ryan Seacrest played Heidi Montag’s new single “Body Language” featuring her boyfriend Spencer Pratt. Heidi described the singe as being dance and techno and some other crap. It’s God awful and I already described it as terrible earlier this morning.

If you still haven’t heard the song, you can still click here to listen to it.

Anyway, now Spencer Pratt has ran to People Magazine and cried that the song was only a joke. A joke?! Who the hell pays for studio time to make a “joke” song? You know that shit got nothing but laughs, everyone said it sucked, then they backtracked and now they’re trying to say it’s a joke. Dumbasses! Spencer Pratt told the magazine,

“We did it as a joke. It’s not her single at all. It was never meant to be heard by anyone but us. Over my dead body would I rap on Heidi’s first single. Heidi is so upset because this was not the first sound she wanted people to hear from her.” (Source)

Dear Spencer,

As an honest person, I must tell you that no one wants to hear Heidi make any sound. I’d rather listen to Fran Drescher laugh on loop than hear Heidi even say hi or cough. We don’t like either of you because you’re both fake ass attention whores. Please listen to Lauren and go away!

Love,

HollywoodHeadache.com

Wherever Lauren Conrad is right now, I hope she listened to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show, 102.7 KISS-FM, this morning. If she didn’t listen to it, I hope she got on the internet and played the clip back. It had to make her laugh. Wait, no, not just laugh, crack up. Heidi Montag was on the show because she debuted her new song “Body Language” and guess what? Not only is her voice digitally enhanced and she’s basically talk-singing, but Spencer Pratt tries to rap in the song. HORRIBLE. The song is worse than a T-PAIN song.

You can click here and listen to the song

The only thing that annoys me more than a boyfriend who brainwashes his girlfriend into thinking everything he says is always right, is a couple who craves attention and is so desperate to be famous that they forget how their bread was buttered in the first place.

Yeah, yeah, I know Spencer Pratt claims to be some sort of talent manager, blah blah. And I know that he was friends with Brody Jenner (emphasis on the was) but he still basically got his name famous by The Hills. And same with that skank Heidi. They are both so quick to say how lame Lauren is, and how much they hate her, but if Lauren wasn’t as popular as she was on Laguna Beach, she never would have gotten her own show, and Heidi never would have been cast as her roommate. So maybe she should show Lauren so freaking gratitude and keep her spoiled, fake mouth shut! I totally hate Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag because they are such hypocrites and they have no problem being fake. Plus, they just recently went on Philadelphia’s Q102 radio show (yeah, that sounds classy) and started talking ish on Lauren. Heidi said,

“A lot. I think it’s really pathetic that she’s so obsessed with my life and my relationship. I really think she needs to concentrate on something else, it’s sad. I never could be friends with a low-life like that.”

Low-life? Yeah, whatever. Lauren wouldn’t have a fashion line and be a spokesperson for Avon if she was really a low-life. Do you see Britney Spears or Courtney Love having fashion lines and being beauty spokespeople? Exactly. Lauren is great and Heidi is jealous. Plus, when Spencer cheats on Heidi and they break up (because that WILL happen, it’s just a matter of time), she will feel retarded. And there’s a good chance that she will go crawling back to Lauren. I hope Lauren bitch slaps her silly!

(Source)

If there’s a bigger douche bag out there than wanna-be celebrity Spencer Pratt, please feel free to let me know. Because as of now, I can’t think of anyone as desperate as he is. It seems like he is always stirring up drama or putting in his two cents when no one really gives a damn. He’s kind of like Candy Spelling in that respect, isn’t he? Anyway, apparently Joel Madden has beef with him for talking ish about Nicole Richie. It’s two pathetic dudes, trying desperately to keep themselves in the limelight. It seems that Spencer and Heidi were having a nice, romantic lunch together at the Beverly Hills Hotel when Joel Madden and Nicole Richie approached Spencer’s table and said, “You’ve been talking shit about my girl!” Classy. Spencer said it was all a misunderstanding. Spoken like a true douche bag. He told In Touch Weekly,

“It all stems from an interview in Details ages ago where I was misquoted, calling Nicole a skinny bitch. It’s all a misunderstanding. I’ve always thought she’s a really nice girl and I wouldn’t call her that.“

Umm, Spencer, you’re a little suck up! It would be more of a burn on him if Joel Madden told him that it doesn’t matter if he’s talking about Nicole because he isn’t even famous! You know he’d be butt hurt about that more than getting called out. (I just re-read the story and realized what complete idiots all of these people are. Put them all in jail just to get them out of the news.)

Well we all knew this was going to surface. Hell, even if it didn’t make its way to the news, we still all knew it was true. What am I talking about? The relationship and engagement of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (of MTV’s The Hills) is completely fake and they are just staging it for money. How else did you think she bought her own fake boobs??

Its rumored that the two made $30,000 on faking their relationship thus far, and staging their walks on the beach and alleged engagement only made them more money. A source says,

“It’s an arrangement that suits both of them. They won’t be walking down the aisle, they will go through the motions of planning a wedding, and then have a big break-up that will get lots of press. All caught on camera by photographers, of course.” (Source)

So they will even make money off of breaking up. Ha, so they won’t get married. I’m not surprised to find out all this crap is fake. I heard Heidi didn’t really even live with Lauren–that was staged for the show. And that also Heidi was casted and isn’t even Lauren’s good friend. They may have pictures together all over their Myspaces, but I think they have to do that because of their contracts with MTV. They don’t want to be sued!

(Image Source)