These magazines are so messed up. They choose their celebrities for their “100 Most Beautiful” that will sell the most copies of the magazine, not whose really one of the most “beautiful” people. Because being beautiful means possessing wholesome and becoming qualities on the inside and out. Those qualifications alone eliminate virtually everyone famous person there is. But People Magazine doesn’t hold anybody to real standards. They pick, like I said, celebrities that sell magazines. And their newest list is beyond retarded. I mean, seriously, listen to some who made it:

Rumer Willis (WTF? She’s only famous cause her parents are Demi Moore and Bruce Willis. They probably paid to get her fug ass in there. How else could she have gotten in? She hasn’t even been in that many films.)

Sarah Silverman (WTF again. Silverman has done 1 funny thing in her career and that was the “I’m F*cking Ben Affleck” video. Other than that, she sings about poop and she sucks. Not to mention she’s far from beautiful.)

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker (No, no, no. These two are attention-loving paparazzi whores.)

The cast of Gossip Girl (I have never seen this show BUT I know it’s lame because its on the CW and shows like Smallville are on that network. Nuff said.)

Julianne Moore (It’s almost like they were running out of people to throw on the list because Julianne Moore hasn’t even made any good films lately.)

Vanessa Hudgens (They’re giving this title to someone who has over a handful of nude pictures floating around on the internet? That really gives the kids something to look up to. How stupid.)

Miley Cyrus (What can I even say? That horse face was bound to get it and it was obvious.)

To find out who else made the list (Kate Hudson is the cover-model), you can click here. Trust me, though, when I say you’re not  missing anything. Seriously, this has got to be the worst list they’ve ever thrown together. Better than seeing Matt Damon‘s greasy face on the cover again, though.

 

FIRST THING FIRST! You can watch the Sarah Silverman “I’m F*cking Matt Damon” video RIGHT HERE.

You can watch Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m F*cking Ben Affleck” response video RIGHT HERE. 

Now the story!

Jimmy Kimmel has blasted back at girlfriend Sarah Silverman in the wake of her recent revelation – in an hysterical music video – that she and PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive Matt Damon are intimate.

Her song: “I’m F—ing Matt Damon.” Kimmel’s song of revenge, unveiled on his ABC show Jimmy Kimmel Live Sunday night immediately after the Oscars: “I’m F—ing Ben Affleck.” (Watch the video here.)

“Matt, Sarah, this is for you,” said Kimmel, noting that Silverman and Damon’s music video has been seen by about 8 million people on ABC.com and YouTube.

And the hilarious new clip – in which the two are seen giving each other pedicures before Affleck tweaks Kimmel’s bare chest – isn’t just a duet: It’s an all-star performance on par with “We Are the World.”

When it comes to backup singers, Kimmel somehow managed to round up a who’s-who of the entertainment industry, including Don Cheadle, Ashlee Simpson, Robin Williams, Cameron Diaz, Huey Lewis, Christina Applegate, Joan Jett, Macy Gray, Benji and Joel Madden, Lance Bass, Josh Groban and Harrison Ford – who blows the new couple a kiss.

Even Brad Pitt makes a cameo, albeit in a non-singing role. He plays a FedEx deliveryman who brings a cake of congratulations to Kimmel and Affleck.

Kimmel and Affleck also stand nose to nose in the video, and all but kiss. As Robin Williams rhapsodizes, “This is not a man crush.”

“The reason I did it like this, I didn’t want my parents finding out from the tabloids,” Kimmel said after showing the video.

Affleck said his wife, Jennifer Garner, didn’t take the news very well. “Thank God my daughter is too young [to understand],” added the actor, referring to 2-year-old Violet.

Retorted a straight-faced Kimmel, “Well, she’s our daughter now.”

PEOPLE 

In case you missed it, last night Britney Spears had a beyond-lame performance followed by Sarah Silverman as the after-opener act. Well, being that Sarah Silverman always says racy, ruthless stuff at her shows, she stayed true to herself and put Britney Spears to shame. And that, my friends, is Britney’s excuse for putting on a crappy show.

According to sources, Sarah Silverman was rehearsing her opening monologue earlier that day when Britney Spears overheard it. Not only did she not appreciate it, but she told MTV she wouldn’t perform if Sarah was going to say that. So, MTV told Sarah to cut the part about Britney Spears and told Britney everything would be okay. Britney, however, is blaming her crappy performance on Sarah Silverman saying that she didn’t want to perform knowing what was going to be said about her afterwards.

If MTV told her that Sarah was cutting that part out, why did Britney still perform bad? Wouldn’t she have performed well and then afterwards gotten really pissed off?

Oh, Britney, not even your excuses make any sense. I bet Paris Hilton was cracking up when she saw that performance. Bitch better not have been laughing at Sarah’s jokes about Britney, though, because she should remember how it felt to get laughed at. Anyway, Sarah Silverman is a punk bitch. No one thought she was funny and I totally didn’t either.

As of right now, I’m on team Britney. Are you?

UPDATE: USA Today caught up with Britney Spears after her performance and got to ask the question we are all talking about.. “How do you think you did?” Her reply? “Good, thank you.” Sadness.

Here is a list of the winners from tonights Video Music Awards that were on MTV. It’s funny because I was worried about missing Britney’s performance but all of my friends reassured me that MTV would play the program over and over for the next month. Then I read online that MTV said they were breaking that habit and decided they wouldn’t re-run the show. So, of course, I watched it. Then I read on the internet that on the East coast, it’s already being replayed. So if any of you guys missed the Britney Spears performance, it will be on again. No worries! Okay, back to the list of the winners

Monster Single of the Year & Video of the Year= Rihanna f/Jay Z “Umbrella”

Male Artist of the Year & Quadruple Threat= Justin Timberlake

Earth Shattering Collaboration= Beyonce f/Shakira “Beautiful Liar”

Best Group= Fall Out Boy

Best New Artist (Fan-Voted)= Gym Class Heroes

Female Artist of the Year= Fergie

I’m disappointed that Fergie was a no-show because I totally like Fergie. I bet she would’ve looked hot. I’m also a bit peeved that the cameras didn’t find Justin Timberlake during Britney’s performance. I wanted to see his face! Below are pictures of Pam Anderson, Jennifer Garner, Ashlee Simpson, Alicia Keys, Beyonce Knowles, Lil Mama, Nelly Furtado, Mary J. Blige, Ashanti, Paris Hilton, Rihanna, Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker, Sarah Silverman and Shia LaBeouf.

Edit: Am I the only one who thinks Paris Hilton looks like a 65-year-old woman with too much make-up on top of bad skin with a crappy rug on her head? She totally does. ICK!

After Sarah Silverman did her stand-up about Paris Hilton going to jail, Paris is butthurt. I think it hurt Paris’s feelings more to know that everyone in the audience was cracking up, including legend Jack Nicholson. Even her peers know her M.O.! That’s not Sarah Silverman’s fault!

Plus, I am thinking Paris doesn’t realize exactly what a comedian does.. They make fun of people and things! There’s a chance (probably not, though, knowing Sarah Silverman) that Sarah doesn’t even dislike Paris. It’s her job to make people laugh and making fun of Paris Hilton seems to be the funniest of all jokes right now. (I’m loving the fact that this is finally true!)

Seems that Miss Wonky didn’t like what Sarah said. Paris stormed off backstage and said, “She’s a fucking bitch. I hate her!” Butthurt much, Paris? Very lame.

I guess Sarah Silverman is having the last laugh, though, because she isn’t in jail is she?! Ha!

Normally, I’d never say Sarah Silverman is great. She’s funny in movies, but her stand up is typically pretty crude humor. But she was the host of the latest MTV awards show which was attended by many celebrities. And of course, being the media whore that she is, Paris Hilton was there.

If you saw it, you know what I’m about to say. If not, don’t worry.. I didn’t see it until this morning. I don’t watch those shows because I know can just check out all the funny stuff on YouTube the next day. Anyway, Sarah Silverman brings up that Paris Hilton is going to jail and the crowd is clapping and cheering. How fabulous is that? But that isn’t even the best part!

Watch the video.. PLEASE. It’s so worth it. Look at Paris’s face! Bitch got owned!

Click here to see the video.