Kelly Bensimon is a former model who recently posed in Playboy. But you probably know her from The Real Housewives of New York. I don’t watch the New York version of that show. I wanted to, since it seems like it’s filled with quality drama, but I watched two episodes and promised my eyes I would never subject them to Bethany Frankel’s horrible face again ( I would link to a picture of her but I really can’t stand looking at her face to create a link!). A lot of the time I call people ugly, it an attempt to over exaggerate and maybe get a few good jokes out of it. But in this case, I promise you, Bethany Frankel is the ugliest creature I have ever seen. She is a walking eating disorder with THE WORST facial features ever. Her jaw is bigger than Minnie Driver’s face. She’s hideous. And to top it off, she has a sketchy boob job and is pretty much a horrible, annoying, stupid person who calls herself a “chef”. Kelly Bensimon, on the other hand, has a great body. She’s lean and toned and obviously healthy. Her face is a bit like a worn out piece of leather but hey, who’s perfect?

If you watch The Real Housewives of Orange County then you are probably not surprised to learn that Simon is divorcing his wife Tamra. Since the first season she was on, I knew Tamra was a no-good, hypocritical bitch and this just proves it. After all of her slandering of Gretchen, Simon is leaving Tamra for… yes, that’s right—cheating on him! Also for verbally abusing him. Tamra is drama all around and homegirl needs to learn that she’s too damn old to be drama. It doesn’t matter how much plastic surgery you get, you’re old and old and drama just don’t add up.

Simon confirmed to Radar that he is divorcing Tamra.

Two weeks ago Tamra moved into a 2-bedroom apartment but rumor has it she wasn’t expecting Simon to divorce her.

They have 3 kids together and Tamra has one son from a previous relationship.

Good for you, Simon!

I can’t believe last night was already the 5th episode of The Real Housewives. It’s going by fast and I’ve gotta say, I’m glad! Last week’s episode was crappy and I was getting sick of Vicki so I’ve got to say.. I was very happy to see last night’s episode was almost completely Vicki free. Now let’s get to it!

What do you think Vicki did when she watched the show last night and saw her kids talking shit about her at that restaurant? Probably crying but I was cracking up. Oh and Vicki, if you’re reading, I assure you that Michael and his girlfriend aren’t saving themselves for marriage. In fact, I bet not saving themselves is the one thing thats keeping them together. Lets face it, he’s not a looker and she’s looking for cash, amirite?!

I was glad to see more of Tammy and her kids. I think her oldest daughter, Trannyzilla, is rude, disgusting, ignorant and lazy. Her youngest, Lindsey, is at least trying to do something with her life. She has a job, models, bought her own car, and isn’t being a complete wreck. I give her props on that. Tammy seems cool, I think I could like her. I just can’t stand that 80′s hair she’s got going on.

Lauri is getting annoying. She seems like she really is a good mom and Sophie does seem like a good kid but she’s 9. She can’t exactly get a DUI quite yet so Lauri should shut up for a while.

Tamra… well, I don’t know yet. She and her hubby act like they barely know each other. Their hug over dinner on last night’s episode was weird.. almost cold. Her son, whatever is name is, is a complete idiot and she should kick him out. Seriously. If she wants to be a hot mom, she needs to get rid of her deadbeat 20-something son. He’s baggage until he grows up and then he’s a perk.

I wish they would put more Kara Keough in there. I like her a lot. She’s beautiful and so is Jeana. I think they make a great team and Kara should get into college volleyball, not acting. She’s got a great body for it! I can’t wait to see if Kara’s new boyfriend is going to be on this season. He’s hot!

Anyway, what did you guys think?

Artwork in this post is courtesy of Pretty on the Outside.

I haven’t got much for the Real Housewives update today because the episode last night was so forgettable. I mean, the show is getting boring really quickly. I almost forgot it was on last night, even. But the underlying theme throughout all of these episodes so far has been this: Vicki is out of control and unbelievably annoying, Tamra is jealous of everyone else and very conceited (yet oddly enough she’s not that good looking), and the rest of the ladies are boring and typical. I really like Jeana but I’d like to see her not be friends with Vicki and meet a hot guy. I want to see more of the kids, because they create a lot of tension for the adults. Also, I’m tired of seeing George and Lauri. George just wants someone to take care of the kids and Lauri needs a sugar daddy. They need to stop pretending already! Also, I can hardly look at Megan Knickerbocker without throwing up in my mouth. Honest. I mean her teeth are rough, her hair is rough, her make up is rough and lets face it, she’s just a rough looking ugly chick with a bad attitude. I really hope the show gets better because I’m close to not watching anymore–and getting rid of my weekly updates. Seriously!

The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 3, Episode 3 aired last night and I was horribly disappointed. Well, I wasn’t horribly disappointed but I was pretty pissed when it was over. I mean, what the hell was that? They scrap together a few random clips of everyone and call it an episode? Here’s some stuff that bothered me:First and foremost, Kara Keough wasn’t in the show that much. I mean, the showed her for two seconds and that was it. They should have either had her in it more or not at all because her half-a-minute stint about not being in Playboy didn’t really fit. Second, in the teaser for this episode last week they played the sound of an ambulance coming while Vicki, Tammy, and Jeana were at the lake. WTF happened to that? Colton jumped off the cliff and then it was over before anything happened! So very weak. Then, if that crap wasn’t enough, the scene with the girls at the table in the restaurant was so very unrealistic. I don’t think the girls said “They don’t have any money, how sad” because it didn’t even look like they were talking. It just seem very set-up and unnatural, which is ironic because until then that show seemed pretty real for reality. Next on my list of rants, Vicki (of course). Was it just me or did she seem cracked out/drunk throughout the majority of the episode? When she was having lunch with Jeana she ordered a bottle of wine, at her TIPS party she was running around asking for her “energy drink” and when they were at Lake Havasu she was clearly hammered, begging for the Man Juice and rubbing up on Jeana. She is thoroughly annoying. My fiance came to the brilliant conclusion that when Vicki was young and growing up she must have been hideous with no friends, no money, and no clue. And now that she’s got money and friends (and thinks she’s good looking) she is totally starved for attention and wants to always have the spotlight on her. Bingo, or what? Also, last weeks teaser made it look like someone was going to split up this episode yet Vicki and Don are still together, as well as Jeana and Matt. Ashley and George’s daughter went to South Beach and got tattoos at Miami Ink. Both tattoos were pointless and my fiance and I were laughing when Lauri said, “Believe? What does she believe in?” because it’s so true. These chicks need real jobs and a reality check. Anyway, last nights episode sucked big time. Vicki has gotten so annoying that I hope she doesn’t return for next season, seriously!P.S. Chris, I still love Coto and would totally live there. I would just bitch-slap Vicki if I ever saw her around!The artwork featured at the top of this post is courtesy of David Gilmore of Pretty on the Outside. Click here to see his other Real Housewives work!

Last night the second episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County aired and I have a lot of thoughts. I guess I’ll start with the negative and work my way to the positive. First, Vicki Gunvalson is really annoying. I mean last episode she was annoying and everything but it seems like with each episode she brings more annoyingness to the table. I mean, when she and Don were talking about getting a new pool put in, she needed to be punched in the face! Why do you need volcanoes and fire and ice and all that other crap? And when she was saying she couldn’t see herself letting her career slow down so she could enjoy life with her husband I was thinking.. she must not care about her marriage that much then. I mean, if there was ONE THING I knew would help save my marriage I would do it! But she’s so into herself that she just doesn’t care. Okay, Vicki is annoying and she brags and she’s selfish. I’m done with her for today. Moving on! I wonder why Matt Keough wasn’t in last nights episode? I hope he and Jeana don’t split because the show is called the Real Housewives and if they split.. she may no longer be on the show. That saddens me! Oh and I wonder how Kara is going at Berkeley? She wasn’t mentioned much either, besides when she and her mom took the trip to San Francisco. I wish she was playing volleyball for the Golden Bears because if she was we’d totally car-trip it to go see her in person! Thats how much we like the Keough’s and the show! So moving on. Lauri Waring’s daughter Ashley looks like she’s lost some weight. She looks prettier but she still wears too much make-up. Her idol must be Christina Aguilera or something. She still is a little brat but at least she’s doing the real estate thing. That can be her career so that’s healthy that she’s not just a mooch still. Tammy’s daughters, on the other hand, are sad and pathetic. They bitch about Lou’s wife getting money to do nothing but isn’t that exactly what they were doing when Lou gave them money? And as sad as it is to say it I really think that half of the reason they are sad about Lou dying is because their lives are financially different. I mean I’m sure they loved him but they just seem so concerned with the money they got from their dad and it’s really sad. Maybe one day they’ll realize they lost more than money. They need to get real jobs because that OC Angel shit is stupid! As far as Tamra goes, I think she’s pretty freaking conceited. She’s so damn concerned with looking “good” and nothing else. I mean, does she know that her “good looks” are all fake? Fake boobs, fake tan, fake hair, fake nails… doesn’t she ever look at herself and say “I just want to be me” or not?! Probably not. Shallow ladies up in Coto, I guess. Anyway, last nights episode was pretty good. I want to see more of Kara. P.S. The picture featured in this week’s post is again by David Gilmore of Pretty on the Outside. It’s titled (and rightly so) “O is for Obsession which is what I have for Vicki Gunvalson.” So true! I loved to hate her, too. I look forward to The Real Housewives each week and then, the day after, Gilmore’s art! It keeps me going! My mid-week high!