Definitely no surprise in this story. The only thing I feel when I read this story is sad. Except, it sort of makes me want to find Britney Spears and tell her all about what karma is, and then also ask her if shes ever heard a little saying that goes “I TOLD YOU SO!” because if she hasn’t, I’d let her in on what it means and how it applies to her.

The other day I wrote about how Kevin Federline was reportedly seeking more custody over his two sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, but it was unknown just how much custody Kevin wanted. Today, we found out that Kevin Federline is seeking 70/30 custody. His reasons, however, are not for the safety and well-being of his boys. What a shock! TMZ reports:

It’s puzzling that Kevin is suddenly alarmed, given that he’s had absolutely no contact with Spears for almost three months. In fact, we’re told she’s begging him to communicate because of parenting issues but he won’t play ball.

That brings us to the paperwork Federline filed. Sources say there are declarations from Kevin, both of his lawyers, Kevin’s nanny and a nanny who interviewed with Britney is October, 2006, before the couple separated. In the papers, Federline’s lawyer also included various magazine articles about Britney. Legal experts say good luck getting that into evidence.

Alli Sims, Britney’s cousin, was served over the weekend. Kevin’s lawyer wants to take her deposition. Now here’s what’s telling. Federline’s lawyer also wants to take Britney’s depo, but a source connected with Alli says the deposition notice Britney received is all financial — in other words, the references are all about money, not the kids.

A Federline source says it’s all about the kids and not money. Federline wants Britney under oath talking about whether she drinks and how she parents the kids.

Under oath? Like being under oath means anything to someone who vomits in back seats of cars, does cocaine, strips down in her panties for a swim, and shaves her head. I definitely think Kevin is money motivated and Britney is crazy. So someone needs to intervene. I’m surprised Madonna hasn’t tried to adopt Sean and Jayden! Doesn’t she like to “save” babies? (By save I mean steal and call it saving.) I hope Kevin doesn’t get a dime of her money. I hope she wises up and takes care of herself. I also hope I find a bag of unmarked money in the street tomorrow. Ahh, to hope.

A few days ago I wrote a post featuring 14, the artist turning celebrity mishaps into funny art. It looks like she’s got a new one. It’s called Daddy Dearest, and it’s quite funny. (You can see the original image on 14′s site, The Gallery of the Absurd, right here.) I’m sure if Alec Baldwin saw this he’d probably get pissed and started yelling… again. I hear he has a rage problem. This picture is funny but it sucks to be Ireland. I bet she gets teased at school. On the bright side, if someone teases her she’s rich. Being rich makes everything okay!

Oh and Kim Bassinger has finally released a statement about this whole mess. Okay, well she didn’t, but her people did.

“Everybody is always asking why this custody battle has been going on for so many years and now they have the answer,” says the statement, released Monday. “The issue is not about Kim or the alleged alienation that Alec constantly refers to. It is about his ongoing aggressive behavior.”

The rep says Basinger “did not release the voicemail,” but adds the message “was not sealed under a court order.” Baldwin’s attorneys had claimed the voicemail was in fact kept in a sealed court file, and leaked by Basinger’s side. (Source)

I don’t know who to believe! My world is in chaos right now!

Alec Baldwin is pretty pissed off at his daughter, Ireland, who is only 11 years old. This new voice-mail that has been leaked is actually quite hilarious. He’s yelling and being degrading and pissy, but the thing is, it’s to a little girl. So that makes it less funny. You can listen to the clip here. Or, if you don’t feel like listening to his punk ass for a minute, you can read what he says in the voice-mail below:

“Hey I want to tell you something, okay? I wanna leave a message for you right now.. cause again it’s 10:30, here in New York on a Wednesday and once again I’ve made an ASS of MYSELF tryin’ to get to a phone to call you at a specific time. When the time comes for me to make the phone call, I STOP whatever I’m doing and I go and I make that phone call. At 11 in the morning in New York, and if you don’t pick up the phone at 10 o’clock at night and you don’t even have that GOD DAMNED phone turned on! I want you to know something, okay? I-I’m tired of playing this game with you. I’m leavin’ this message with you to tell you you have insulted me for the last time. You have insulted me! You don’t have the brains or the decency as a human being.. I don’t give a damn that you’re 12-years-old or 11-years-old or that you’re a child or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do, as far as I’m concerned, you have humiliated me FOR THE LAST TIME with this phone. And when I come out there next week, I’M GONNA FLY OUT THERE FOR THE DAY just to STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT on this issue. I’M GONNA LET YOU KNOW JUST HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM IN YOU AND HOW ANGRY WITH YOU I AM that you’ve done this to me again. You have made me feel like shit. And you have made me feel like a fool over and over and over again. And this CRAP you pull on me with this god damned phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother, that you’re doing to me, CONSTANTLY, and over and over again. I am going to get on a plane or I’m going to come out there for the day and I’m gonna STRAIGHTEN YOUR ASS OUT when I see you, do you understand me? I’m gonna really make sure you get it. Then I’m gonna get on a plane, then I’m gonna turn around, and I’m gonna come home. So you better be ready, Friday the 20th, to meet with me. So I’ll let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless, little pig, okay?”

Alec Baldwin probably went even more ape-shit when he found out that this stuff went out on the ‘net. Imagine his reaction to that? I mean, if he’s going this bonkers over a phone call, think what this will do to him! Fabulous. His people realeased this statement to Extra, when they heard this was leaked:

“In the best interest of the child, Alec will do what the mother is pathologically incapable of doing … keeping his mouth shut and obeying the court order. The mother and her lawyer leaked this sealed material in violation of a court order. Although Alec acknowledges that he should have used different language in parenting his child, everyone who knows him privately knows what he has been put through for the past six years.”

Humm. Don’t think that little half-assed apology–if you could even call it that–will do. Don’t think princess will ever be seeing Ireland again. Somewhere Kim Bassinger is strumming her fingers together in delight, with her head leaned back laughing like a madman. I love it.