Kick off the new year with the January 2008 issue of InStyle Magazine.. which is full of brainwashed lies and weird alien stories from the one and only Katie Holmes!

No, no, I’m only kidding about all of that. I think Katie gets a bad rep. I mean, I bet she’s pretty weird and I’d almost guarantee that there’s an element of weirdness in that marriage, but I think she’s probably a pretty good person.

Does anyone else remember when she was frizzy-haired Joey on Dawson’s Creek? I used to watch that show all the time when I was in high school and I always wanted Joey and Dawson to get together but Joey was such a bitch! Then towards the end of the show she got better looking but I always thought, ‘Damn that girl has some nasty hair and teeth.’ Her hair looks really great now (ahh, the power of money and an expensive hair stylist) but I wonder why she doesn’t get her teeth done? Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s really blossomed into a beautiful woman with an adorable daughter and a great life, but it seems like she’d want to do some fine-tuning and just get her teeth straightened. Anyway!

Here are scans of Katie Holmes in January 2008 InStyle Magazine. She looks good! If anyone has any part of the interview and wants to send it to me, that would be fabulous!

Ever since I saw that episode of The King of Queens where Doug and Carrie got their own beds and liked it, I’ve always wondered if people really did that. It seems like getting your own bed is one thing, but your own bedroom is quite another. It’s like, we are married during the day but at night we are single and would rather not be around each other. I don’t blame Katie, who would want to sleep with Tom Cruise? Yuck. According to Star Magazine, the couple is moving into a bigger house later, were they will continue to have separate bedrooms, as they do now. The magazine also says

“Of course they spend time together alone at night like most married couples; after all, they conceived Suri! In fact, they even joke about having separate bedrooms to their friends – Katie says Tom snores, and this way she can get her beauty sleep!”

“At first, it was because Katie was Catholic and single, and they were only dating. It was the proper thing to do. Now that they are married, they don’t feel the need to alter the arrangement. Tom has his master bedroom, and Katie has hers.”

“Over the course of several months, Katie created a larger space to have as her own. In the end, she designed the room of her dreams, a very feminine room painted in pastel colors, with a small carousel and filled with many stuffed animals.”

WTF? A carousel and stuffed animals? Is that not the creepiest, weirdest thing you’ve ever heard? When I was a kid I hated carousels and I didn’t even have that many stuffed animals. Katie must be really off the deep end if that’s what she into. Tom has made her so crazy she probably rides a mini-carousel at night and sings to her stuffed animals “friends.” Psycho.

I don’t know if this is true, but it actually seems like it could be. Because Victoria Beckham and David Beckham had their pictorial spread in W magazine and got to show their personal side, now Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise want to do the same thing.

A source said that the couple wants to show their personal side. The couple wants people to know that there is more to them than just their wholesome, family side. The source also said,

“They have already started planning some of the photos. One suggestion they were keen on was a shot of them posing together in the shower, dripping wet and covered by nothing but steam. Tom and Katie really have amazing chemistry. They want to show the world how much.”

I would totally check the pictures out via internet, but I would not buy the magazine.. whatever magazine they do this in. I find it sort of creepy. Can’t you just picture it? Tom and Katie in the shower, dripping wet, nothing covering their bodies but steam from the water, and then at the very bottom of the picture, through the steam, you can see a little alien baby head and Suri is poking out. Seriously. She is cute and everything, but a little creepy how she’s always looking right at you.

(Source)

Here are the Aliens at the party they threw for David Beckham and Victoria Beckham to welcome them to America. I gotta say, Katie has been looking pretty hot lately. She’s got a new hair do, she’s got a tan, better clothes, and she definitely seems healthier. Maybe she’s thinner but in a good way? I can’t really put my finger on it but lately she’s been looking better. Tom Cruise, on the other hand, looks like crap. I really am not digging his swoopie, long, to-the-front almost emo hairstyle and it seems like he gets wider and wider everytime I see him. Nasty.

Hope the party was fun. I never got my invitation.. must’ve got lost in the mail..

I’m going to tell this story just how it is, without all the sugar coating. Katie Holmes has turned into such a freaky alien since she’s been with Tom Cruise that no one wants to hire her. They know if they hire Katie then they will have big-head Tom Cruise on set, being weird and very bossy. And Tom thinks he is still really powerful and almighty in Hollywood, so he has decided to make a production company just for Katie. That way, she’ll always have a movie role when she wants one and she doesn’t have to worry about Tom being all over her about the kind of role it is because he will already have picked out all the movies going through. Gee, perfect! Sources say,

“Kate is a little disillusioned with acting at the moment, especially as she’s taken to being a mother so wholeheartedly. She’s not interested by many of the roles she is being offered so Tom has stepped in with some ideas of his own.”

“He has one project he wants both of them to star in and another he will produce with Katie in the lead.”

“He wants to build a whole production company around her.”

He is a control freak! I didn’t know aliens could have human-like qualities but I guess they can. I wonder if Katie is 100% alien or if it is sort of a front? I bet she’s secretly miserable with Tom. He probably has Little Man Syndrome so horribly. If you ask me, I still think the kid looks like Chris Klein. Ha.

We all know Tom Cruise is crazy. We know this because we know Scientology is a load of crazy, and since Tom Cruise is the #1 advocate for Scientology… well, you get it; put the two together. For those of you who do not realize just how ridiculous and far-fetched Scientology is, here’s a little blurb about it:

Scientology is a body of teachings and related techniques developed by American science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard. It began in 1952 as a self-help philosophy, an outgrowth of his earlier self-help system, Dianetics, and was later described as a new religion… The Church of Scientology says that Scientology is concerned with “the study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, others and all of life.” By contrast, Dianetics is more narrowly focused on getting rid of the reactive mind, the “bank” of traumatic memories known as engrams which are said to inhibit one’s success and happiness. Scientology also covers topics such as ethics and morality (The Way to Happiness), drug and chemical residues as they relate to spiritual wellbeing (the Purification Rundown), communication, marriage, raising children, work-related problems, education (Study Technology), and the very nature of life (The Dynamics). Scientologists believe:

• The thetan has lived through many past lives and will continue to live beyond the death of the body.
• Psychiatry and psychology are evil and abusive practices.

Xenu (sometimes Xemu) is introduced as an alien ruler of the “Galactic Confederacy” who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living. The alien souls continue to do this today, causing a variety of physical ill-effects in modern-day humans. Hubbard called these clustered spirits “Body Thetans,” and the advanced levels place considerable emphasis on isolating them and neutralizing their ill effects.Scientologists have argued that the published accounts of the Xenu story and other colourful teachings are distortions of their practice, presented out of context for the purpose of ridiculing their religion. Journalists and critics of Scientology counter that the Xenu episode is part of a much wider Scientology belief that past lives on other planets are a source of negative influences on the mind and spirit in the present. Some of this has been public knowledge for decades. For instance, Hubbard’s 1958 book Have You Lived Before This Life contains descriptions of past lives given by individual Scientologists during auditing sessions, including some that are reported to predate what modern astronomy estimates as the age of the universe. Internal Scientology publications are often illustrated with pictures of spaceships and oblique references to catastrophic events that happened “75 million years ago” (i.e., the Xenu incident).

(Source)… To read more, and you really should because this crap boggles the mind, click on the Source link.

Now that you realize how crazy it is to believe in an alien named Xenu as one of your “leaders” then I shall continue with the breaking story of how crazy Tom Cruise actually is.

Us Weekly says that Katie Holmes has spent hours in tears on the phone with her BFF Victoria Beckham because Tom is making her life miserable. Sources say:

“Katie has been crying over the phone. She’s frustrated. Tom is denying her every single thing. Once, Katie and Victoria talked on the phone for four hours.”

On top of this, Tom Cruise is allegedly calling Posh Spice and trying to creep her out so much that she converts to be an alien lover Scientologist.

“Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology. Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church. When she says no, she means no.” (Source)

I’m not knocking Us Weekly, cause I love it and read it every week or whatever, but I’m just curious to know how legit this story is. Because I’m definitely not picturing Victoria Beckham as an “old-fashioned” anything. That fug is anything but old-fashioned.

What do you think about Scientology? You think Tom Cruise is nuts?