FIRST THING FIRST! You can watch the Sarah Silverman “I’m F*cking Matt Damon” video RIGHT HERE.

You can watch Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m F*cking Ben Affleck” response video RIGHT HERE. 

Now the story!

Jimmy Kimmel has blasted back at girlfriend Sarah Silverman in the wake of her recent revelation – in an hysterical music video – that she and PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive Matt Damon are intimate.

Her song: “I’m F—ing Matt Damon.” Kimmel’s song of revenge, unveiled on his ABC show Jimmy Kimmel Live Sunday night immediately after the Oscars: “I’m F—ing Ben Affleck.” (Watch the video here.)

“Matt, Sarah, this is for you,” said Kimmel, noting that Silverman and Damon’s music video has been seen by about 8 million people on ABC.com and YouTube.

And the hilarious new clip – in which the two are seen giving each other pedicures before Affleck tweaks Kimmel’s bare chest – isn’t just a duet: It’s an all-star performance on par with “We Are the World.”

When it comes to backup singers, Kimmel somehow managed to round up a who’s-who of the entertainment industry, including Don Cheadle, Ashlee Simpson, Robin Williams, Cameron Diaz, Huey Lewis, Christina Applegate, Joan Jett, Macy Gray, Benji and Joel Madden, Lance Bass, Josh Groban and Harrison Ford – who blows the new couple a kiss.

Even Brad Pitt makes a cameo, albeit in a non-singing role. He plays a FedEx deliveryman who brings a cake of congratulations to Kimmel and Affleck.

Kimmel and Affleck also stand nose to nose in the video, and all but kiss. As Robin Williams rhapsodizes, “This is not a man crush.”

“The reason I did it like this, I didn’t want my parents finding out from the tabloids,” Kimmel said after showing the video.

Affleck said his wife, Jennifer Garner, didn’t take the news very well. “Thank God my daughter is too young [to understand],” added the actor, referring to 2-year-old Violet.

Retorted a straight-faced Kimmel, “Well, she’s our daughter now.”

PEOPLE 

I’ve always hated Jared Leto. Besides the fact that he’s a pretty good actor, because, sadly, he is, he is also pretty much a big, big asshole. He denies dating people, dates pretty girls and cheats on them, expects special treatment for being famous, throws tantrums, wears eyeliner, and just generally thinks he is God’s gift to all women. But it always seems like when I admit my deep-rooted hate for Jared Leto, there’s always like, 50 people who come out of the woodwork to defend him. But this time, I’m proud to admit that I passionately dislike Jared Leto. And now Jimmy Kimmel admits his hate for him too! Page Six writes:

ADD Jimmy Kimmel to the list of people who really can’t stand eyeliner-loving Jared Leto. The late-night show host told Stuff magazine he’d rather not welcome Leto back as a guest. When asked if Kimmel ever had to hide his disdain for a guest, he chose the actor/rocker. “He was so insufferably satisfied with himself that I wanted to strangle him,” said Kimmel. It’s not hard to see why Stuff voted the comedian, “The Biggest Bad-Ass on TV.”

It’s like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day. It’s like finding a dollar in your jeans that you haven’t worn in a while. It’s like hearing you’re dismissed from jury duty. It’s like knowing OJ Simpson’s book won’t be published. THAT is how great it is to know other people hate Jared Leto as much as I do.

Do YOU hate Jared Leto??