Avril Lavigne is in the new issue of Maxim Magazine. Times like these I wish my fiance didn’t have a subscription to Maxim because I really don’t want to look at her or read an interview with her. Since I usually steal his magazines and read them while I’m on the elliptical at the gym, I am disappointed to know that Maxim somehow thought Avril was a good choice for their cover girl. I think they should’ve told Avril she was going to be the cover girl then they should’ve split the cover between her and Britney Spears and said “Who’s More Annoying?” because that would have been hilarious. Even with her everyday drama, I think Britney is still less annoying than Avril. Oh, Avril. When will you realize that your cheap 99 Cent Store pink hair spray and your stupid wanna-be rocker outfits are lame? Soon I hope. More pictures of Avril Lavigne in March’s Maxim Magazine below. Try not to throw up.

I always liked to hear stories about Avril Lavigne getting punked because I think she’s a self-righteous, snobby, mediocre, fake-ass who has an ego blown up by teen-bopper emo’s who know no better. Also, she annoys me. If there was a story that burned Avril Lavigne, Madonna, Paris Hilton, and all the other celebrities that annoy me, I swear I would throw a party. Why is it that the celebs we hate never have anything funny happen to them that we can enjoy? Ughh. Anyway.

Here’s what happened to stinky Avril, according to Page Six:

PUNK starlet Avril Lavigne was on the verge of tears New Year’s Eve when she lost the spotlight to ‘Lil Jon. The rude rapper was deejaying a countdown party at Prive, where Lavigne was slated to call the countdown. But before the stroke of midnight, onlookers saw ‘Lil Jon “grab his own mike and steal the show” from Lavigne by “holding his own coundown.” The pop princess was said to be “visibly upset” and clung to her hubby Deryck Whibley, crying “I wanted to do the countdown!” Only when servers brought out Dom Perignon did she calm down.

Oh, so the alcohol calmed her down, huh? Alcoholic! Send her to rehab! Her career is over! .. Okay, I only wish those things were true. I totally don’t love rap music but Lil Jon just jumped to the top 10 in my book of celebrities that really rock hard. I think I’m going to e-mail him and let him know how awesome he is. Then I’m going to e-mail Avril HAHAHAHAHAHA. Only.. I’m going to do it more than that. I’ll probably copy and paste HA about a trillion times. Yep.

Once again, Avril Lavigne has opened up her big, stupid, ugly, annoying, conceited, dumb (I could keep going) mouth about how great she is. She’s already put down Britney Spears and now she’s saying how she’s better than Kelly Clarkson. Umm, I don’t think so honey. Kelly Clarkson may have gained 20 pounds and dropped an album her executives hated but she’s still a million times more talented, interesting and beautiful than Avril. Here’s some obnoxious stuff Avril said:

On her fame:

“Selling 24 million albums hasn’t really affected me, but it has changed things. I can’t walk into a room full of people any more without everybody turning their heads, and I can only eat in certain restaurants where I know I won’t get hassled. But that’s OK. I was born to do this, and so I’ve learned how to cope.”

On her competition:

 

“Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I’m tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It’s good if you’re not easily ignored. And I’m not.”

On giving:

 

“I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, ‘Take it to Katrina!’ I also like to give stuff to people who are my ‘workers,’ especially if they don’t make much money.”

To the haters:

 

“People love me and people hate me, but I’m comfortable in my own skin and that’s what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you’re the loser, not me.”

Well, uhh… a couple of things. You wanted to be famous so when people turn their heads when you walk in a restaurant (probably to see if it’s really you because they hate you) you should embrace it you little snot! Kelly Clarkson has an amazing, stong and powerful voice. It’s not just “pretty” Avril. Quit giving your lame back-handed compliments. “They don’t make much money” because you’re a cheap ass who doesn’t pay well. And, BTW, I hate you, Avril, and I’m not a loser. Thx!

(Source)

If you hate Avril Lavigne as much as I do, then you’ll definitely hate that she posed topless (while thankfully not showing her boobies) for Blender Magazine. I don’t know why Blender Magazine would put Avril on the cover, sort of topless, looking really nasty. And why is it that Avril always wants to be fake yelling in all of her magazine shoots? She must think it makes her look hard or something. Either way, she annoys me. She claims to hate Britney Spears, and all other pop stars that attract a lot of attention from the paparazzi, but why? Her songs are definitely pop, whether she wants to believe it or not. And she’s got her belly button pierced just like Britney Spears does. I think she’s just a little bit of a hypocrit, thats all. You decide if the pictures are good or not. I can’t bear to look!

Remember how I said that Avril Lavigne thought she was more famous than Britney Spears? And I said she isn’t and the reason she can dodge the paparazzi so well is because less than half of the paparazzi that follows Britney follows Avril. Well, someone must have called her out on that because now she’s saying that the reason she isn’t photographed as much as Britney Spears is because SHE wants it that way.. it has absolutely nothing to do with her being slightly less famous than Britney. And when I say slightly, I mean a gagillion times less famous than her. Here’s what that idiot said now:

“The press isn’t all over me like that. She’s probably one of the people who can’t control it. But if you don’t want it, you could get away from it. I don’t want my picture taken all the time.” Lavigne added that she and her hubby, musician Deryck Whibley, aren’t tabloid targets because they avoid the press. “If you want to be a tabloid couple, go around every red carpet in L.A., go to The Ivy for lunch. We don’t do any of that. To us, it’s cheesy. It’s lame.”

I wish Avril would just shut up and disappear. She is so lame. She was the musical guest on SNL this weekend and I watched some of it because my sister likes her.. but I was glaring the whole time.

Avril Lavigne is obviously confused on who she is. She thinks she is a celebrity that someone cares about, that is super famous. But really, if I was a papparazzi and I only had one picture left on my camera, and Avril Lavigne walked by me drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels, smoking weed, and making out with another chick, and then there was a cute puppy running through wild flowers with a red bow around his neck… well you better believe I’d take a picture of that sweet-ass puppy.

So Avril Lavigne thinks she needs to talk about Britney Spears.

Here’s the thing, though. Some freak chance that Brintey DOES make a come-back, she will be huge. Remember when she wore that see-through outfit with all the sparkles and carried the snake around her at the MTV awards? She could quite possibly be huge like that again. I mean, don’t hold your breath, but all I’m saying is Avril Lavigne should shut up because Britney could own her.

Plus, if Avril Lavigne shaved her head and did crazy shit, would anybody care? Because I think I can say with confidence that only a true celebrity could get attention from that and keep the spotlight.

So here’s what that piece of garbage said about Britney Spears:

“What’s happened to Britney is all down to who she is as a person. If you want a piece of this business you have to be able to deal with it. You can’t complain about the pressures, the paparazzi, the madness because that’s the job.” (Source)

Like Britney Spears doesn’t know how the music industry works. Like she doesn’t know what its like to be a celebrity. Like Avril Lavigne has a right to tell anyone what anything is like. The only thing she has a right to give advice on is how to be an annoying whiney punk with a bad sense of style and crappy music. She’s definitely the authority on that.