Am I the only one who is constantly confused by celebrities? I mean, if you’re in rehab for ANYTHING then you need to take some time for yourself–a year maybe–and just relax. Why are these rehabbed celebrities so quick to jump back into the swing? They’ve got the resources to take time off yet they just don’t! I don’t get it. I am pretty sure after attempting suicide the last thing you need to do is get into a relationship with another high-profile person who has her own relationship woes. But Owen Wilson doesn’t care, apparently. It’s rumored that he’s dating Jessica Simpson. The two were spotted having having dinner in Santa Monica last night. They looked cozy.

“He couldn’t keep his hands off her.” Apparently, sparks flew between the two Texans when they were in Austin on Oct. 16 to appear in a video with Willie Nelson.

Well a relationship that starts out really hands on usually leads to a bitter break-up. Like, for instance, Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie. That crashed and burned pretty hard, didn’t it? Let’s hope Owen gets it together and keeps clear from the ladies, especially Jessica.

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Setting aside the fact that he dressed up as Steve Irwin that one time (not funny), Bill Maher just seems like he’d be a complete arrogant jerk. And according to his ex-girlfriend, Karrine Steffans, he is not just a jerk but a womanizer to boot. Expected!

“Bill wants someone he can put down in an argument, tell you how ghetto you are, how big your butt is, and that you’re an idiot. That’s why you never see him with a white girl or an intellectual. I might as well have been a Muslim woman with my head wrapped, walking 10 paces behind my man. [But] I couldn’t be ‘Bill Maher’s girlfriend’ any more - not when I’m Karrine Steffans . . . best-selling author.”

If you’re wondering what she’s referring to, Karrine Steffans is that chick that wrote Confessions of a Video Vixen and other books about how badly women get treated when they star in rap videos. Duh! Of course you get treated bad, do you listen to rap songs? Its all about degrading women so what did she expect? Bill and Karrine are both dumbasses!

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Beloved singer Robert Goulet has passed away this morning at Cedars Sinai in Los Angeles. Goulet, who was 73, was suffering from pulmonary fibrosis and was waiting for a lung transplant. Our warmest wishes go out to his family and friends. Rest in peace, Robert! You will be missed!

Do they really need to remake Grease? Haven’t celebrity musical movies already happened? I mean, the whole Moulin Rouge thing happened and I wasn’t exactly jumping through hoops. And now they’re remaking Grease? Ick. And get the worst part, according to Michelle Pfeiffer, Jessica Simpson is up for the role of Sandy. Yuck! Jessica Simpson can’t act or sing! It would be the world’s worst re-make ever!

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I don’t know whats uglier; Pete Wentz’s broken ankle or his broken face! Seriously! I always catch a lot of hate mail when I share my great dislike for Pete Wentz, but getting an opportunity to do it is well worth it! And now that he’s broken his ankle, I get an opportunity to diss on him. Pete wrote on a blog about his ankle:

for anyone who was at the voodoo fest in new orleans- you got to see me jump around. ended up breaking the bone that connects my shin to my foot. no shows will be cancelled. i am currently trying to get a “rocker” boot so i can have a walking cast. currently my foot is the size of a small car. if you see me at a show come sign my cast.

I would go “sign” his cast and fake like I’m interested in him and secretly be drawing a weenie or something. Wait, he’d love that! I’d have to put “30 Seconds to Mars” in a heart and then say “I love your band, Jared!” WAIT.. he’d probably love thinking he looks like his even gayer idol Jared Leto. Damn, what wouldn’t he like? Ok, Ok, I do hope his ankle gets better cause that really sucks. Everything else still goes though!

I have yet to see any good celebrity Halloween costumes, but I figured that. Above is Heidi Montag and her boyfriend Spencer Pratt. I guess he’s Spiderman and she’s some sort of mermaid. Their costumes are generic and his doesn’t even fit. What the hell! I expect more out of celebrities cause I know they can afford it and I know they want attention so why not show off?! The thumbnails are typical slutty costumes that you’d expect the typical slutty girls to wear. Aubrey O’Day is a slutty football player, Paris Hilton (two pictures) is weird/slutty Alice in Wonderland and a skanky sailor, and Teri Hatcher, who has the most creative costume so far, is The Queen of Hearts. Her daughter was Alice. Cute!

The wait is over! Britney Spears’ new album Blackout was released last night at midnight. If you bought it, let me know how it is. And I can’t believe I just said “the wait is over” like someone actually bought it with pleasure. I’m sure some people have to buy it to like, review it and stuff but I’m really doubting that many people bought it thinking it was going to be gold. How can it be? Look who its coming from!

In other news, Britney Spears is really turning into a gross meth face, isn’t she? For the longest time I wanted her to do better and I talked her up, but she just kept getting nastier, fatter, and more gross. It looks like she doesn’t shower and she’s always got smeared make-up and broken nails. Sick! I’m tired of hoping for her to class it up. I really don’t think she will. Now I’m only going to post about her when something big happens. No more just “here she is walking” type of updates. I say the media bans together and ignores her. Then she’ll have to clean up because that’s the most outrageous thing she could do to get the attention back. It’s a grand idea, isn’t it? Boycott Britney.

Cat fight! I knew I was right about Joaquin Phoenix being a totally bitter diva! Eva, who co-starred in We Own The Night with Joaquin as, ironically, a couple, was interviewed and asked what it was like working with him. She said, “kind of like working with a puppy dog or a 2-year old.” Snap! If she meant that its like working with someone cute that you adore, it totally came out the wrong way. But if she meant that its like working with someone helpless and annoying, then she hit the nail on the head cause I’m thinking thats JUST how Joaquin took it. When the reporter told him what Eva said, he fired back with,

“Had I known I was supposed to be a puppy dog, I would have been much more cute and more consistently attentive. My apologies, Eva, but I had a few other scenes that you weren’t in. This puppy dog had a lot of work to do.”

Cranky! Don’t mess with Joaquin when it comes to his work! Maybe all those stories about Joaquin being lit all the time are true. He seems super moody and bitchy. But I’d say he wins this fight because Eva was being a little skeeze, knocking on Joaquin for no reason. I don’t know though.. think she deserved all that?

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Giselle Bundchen launches her Ipanema Collection *Bastardly*

Britney Spears says, “Eat it, lick it, snort it, f*ck it!” at court *Yeeeah*

Amy Winehouse is talking about something but who cares? *Hollywood Backwash*

Elizabeth Hurley in a bikini with Hugh Grant and her hubby *Celebslam*

More proof that The Hills is fake and that Lauren Conrad has no personality *The Superficial*

“What would you rather have? A politician taking stuff and not saying, but making the best decisions and improving things? Or a politician who names all the drugs he or she has taken but makes lousy decisions for the country?” he asked.

“Why should I care if a politician takes sleeping pills every night so long as he can do his job?”

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